Guess who's back?
Anywho, how is everyone? Myself? I've been doing pretty good. I had a very short love life that lasted two days. How awesome is that? I think that's pretty damned awesome.
I went on an actual real date and everything. With a guy, though, so it was going to be a disaster any which way you cut it.
Firstly; he lied about his looks. I know we all do it at some time, but never do it before you meet someone, ya dig? I was so brutally honest with my looks, gave him plenty of pics, even almost-naked ones (stfu, I was so fucking horny) and he didn't have the decency to tell me the truth. Don't get me wrong, I'm not shallow. But... damn. He wasn't even a little bit hot. He made me so dry I felt a cactus spring up down there. >/
Secondly; He was a ginormous asswipe in person. He didn't insult me or anything, but he was telling me all these stories (which was another thing, barely gave me time to talk about myself) about how awesome he was in high school, blah blah blah. Yeah, if he wrote a book about his life it would be a real page turner. Except not, because this guy is a narcissistic asshole.
Thirdly; This is the most important thing... HE. SMELLED. At first I didn't notice his raunchy aroma in the cafe because I was surrounded by the smells that I love. Coffee beans, perfume from the lady behind me, and freshly baked goodies. I only noticed when we were seated in the Theater to watch Sweeney Todd.
I couldn't even enjoy the film because I was leaning so far AWAY from him, in a dire hope to catch some good smelling air (to no avail, I might add) and it's a pity, from the bits that I can remember, it was a good film. But then again, Mr. Depp has never failed to entertain me.
What did he smell like, you ask? Heavy body odor. His hair was kinda greasy too. If you are going on a date, you should at least bathe. I had a long shower, shaved where I needed to shave, put on body lotion, a touch of perfume. Brushed my teeth twice, mouthwash and then chewed some mint gum on my way to said date. I was smelling wonderful. And this... this pig didn't even bother to put on deodorant?
His breath was horrid, and he bought twizzlers at the theater... so put the smell of licorice into the equation.
I nearly vomitted.
Even now, as I recall the events of two weeks ago, my stomach churns.
Fourthly; yes. A fourth thing. I can't even classify this as a date because he didn't even pay for anything. I bought my ticket, my soda, my coffee and my cookie.
You sir, are an ass.
And now he has the dice to IM and phone me every other day to ask me what my problem is? Why we didn't kiss, why I'm avoiding him? He even has his best friend IMing me now, wondering why I'm being a bitch to her best friend.
MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE HE SMELLS LIKE ASS. Lordy almighty. TAKE A FUCKING HINT.
...
Rawr.
But other than that, I'm good! I bought myself volume one of the Darkwing Duck box set. Which means I'm awesome. ... Awesome-r
Had good holidays, etc.
Now... pull up an e-chair and fill me in on gossip, life, what-have-you.
:D?
